Loving Him Was Red
by Novelnerd97
Summary: Kate didn't mean to fall in love with him. Hell, when she first met him she didn't even like him. She hated him really. But somehow he had found his way under her skin. He had wormed his way into her heart and found a place there. Tag for Season 2 finale. Kate's thoughts when Castle walked away with Gina for the summer


**DISCLAIMER: All credit goes to the magical Andrew Marlowe and Taylor Swift for the lyrics. **

**Loving Him Was Red**

_Loving him is like driving a new Maserati down a dead-end street_

_Faster than the wind, passionate as sin ending so suddenly_

_Loving him is like trying to change your mind once you're already flying through the free fall_

_Like the colors in autumn, so bright just before they lose it all_

Kate didn't mean to fall in love with him.

Hell, when she first met him she didn't even like him. She hated him really. But somehow he had found his way under her skin. He had wormed his way into her heart and found a place there.

2 years.

2 years of him following her around and offering theories – most completely ridiculous and focused on CIA operatives. Somewhere along the line he had stopped being an annoyance. He had stopped being the ride along. His theories stopped being irritating. His different perspective was no longer unneeded.

He had become her partner. He was still a nine-year old on a sugar rush but she valued him. He made her job fun. His theories turned helpful and the ridiculous ones were only to make her laugh. His difference perspective was welcome, he offered another angle unlike that of a cop like her.

She felt light for the first time in years. Ever since her mother's death she could feel this dark cloud surrounding her at all times. He was like a light, shining through that dark cloud. The cloud wasn't gone, but there were days where the light made it seem like it was far enough away.

He made her laugh. She didn't do it often enough but with all his CIA conspiracy theories, and goofy faces, he made her laugh and just enjoy her job a bit more even though she was surrounded by death.

_Losing him was blue like I'd never known_

_Missing him was dark grey all alone_

She was planning on saying yes. That was her first instinct when he first asked her to join him in the Hamptons but she bit her tongue in an effort to not appear over eager. She joined him in the hallway, the rest of the team in view through the window. The last thing she expected to see was Gina – his ex wife – coming down the hallway and wrapping her arm around his waist. And just like that it was all over. He was walking away for the summer and she was left standing there. Biting back tears she looked away from him and turned from the window, away from where she knew her team members were looking at her in what resembled pity.

_Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met_

Throughout the summer Kate pushed herself to forget him. He hadn't called and she knew that meant that he wouldn't. He was a player and his attention flitted from woman to woman. She was nothing more than something shiny that caught his attention for a little while. She fought back tears at that painful line of thinking. She was better off without him.

_But loving him was red_

_Loving him was red_

But no matter how much she wanted to forget, she couldn't. She couldn't forget how building theory with him felt. That rush she got when she started a sentence and he seemed to read her mind and finish it. That adrenaline that pumped into her veins when they turned to each other and yelled out,

"I know who the killer is!"

_Touching him was like realizing all you ever wanted was right there in front of you_

_Memorizing him was as easy as knowing all the words to your old favorite song_

But it wasn't just the building theory that gave her a rush. It was when their fingers brushed every morning when he brought her a cup of coffee. It was when she bent over in front of him with the intent of having him check out her ass, which he always did. It was being near him. It was when he looked at her, with what she though was love in his eyes.

She was wrong.

_Fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword and realizing there's no right answer_

Movies had it wrong. Passionate, in love couples didn't always get along. No the most in love ones were the ones the fought. Maybe not the most often, but most certainly the loudest. The messiest. The angriest.

And that certainly was them. The time that he brought up how he had been looking into her mother's murder, she flipped shit. She yelled at him for what felt like hours, until her throat was sore. That was them. So much passion that when they were angry it just came spilling out.

_Regretting him was like wishing you never found out that love could be that strong_

Kate had walls for a reason. She had built a fortress – a castle (she thought with some irony) – around her heart. They were there for a reason. After her mother, she had to protect herself from the pain that she had felt. She wasn't supposed to let anyone into her heart. But somehow Castle had found a way in and just wouldn't leave.

Until he walked away. And the pain came back.

_Losing him was blue like I'd never known_

_Missing him was dark grey all alone_

_Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met_

_But loving him was red_

_Oh, red_

_Burning red_

She missed him. She didn't want to but nothing changed that. She had gotten used to always having him around and work felt quiet without him. No one was there to crack lame jokes or spin crazy theories. She felt a sense of loss and wanted nothing more than for him to call, even if she would never admit it.

_Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes_

_Tell myself it's time now, gotta let go_

_But moving on from him is impossible_

_When I still see it all in my head_

_Burning red_

_Loving him was red_

Every time she got up to get a cup of coffee she saw him. When he first left she had tried to go back to the old precinct coffee, unable to bear tasting the coffee that Castle used to bring her. But he had been right… After tasting good coffee the precinct stuff tasted like a monkey pissed in battery acid. So she went back to the espresso machine, pretending like it didn't cause a stab of pain every time she smelt the coffee.

Coffee was – and always would be – something that they shared. Whether or not he came back.

_Oh, losing him was blue like I'd never known_

_Missing him was dark grey all alone_

_Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met_

_'Cause loving him was red_

_Yeah, yeah, red_

_We're burning red_

Kate shook her head, trying to focus back on the paper work that was sitting on the desk in front of her. She had done her job for years before he came along, she should be able to do it now. So why couldn't she?

'Because you lo –"

Even her mind couldn't admit it to herself. She was scared. Scared of admitting and facing even more pain than she had already.

She couldn't believe how over a year ago she had fought Montgomery tooth and nail when he assigned Castle to ride along with her. Now that she was gone, she wanted nothing more than to have him back.

_And that's why he's spinnin' 'round in my head_

_Comes back to me, burning red_

_Yeah, yeah_

_His love was like driving a new Maserati down a dead-end street_

Kate didn't mean to fall in love with him.

Hell, when she first met him she didn't even like him. She hated him really. But somehow he had found his way under her skin. He had wormed his way into her heart and found a place there.

* * *

**A/N: I know you guys following "Knight in Shining... Wetsuits?" are probably pissed that I have yet to update. Sorry guys but I just got inspiration for this and I had to right it. You guys will be getting an update soon, but I don't know exactly when. **

**But on a different note, I hope you guys (at least those still reading this) enjoyed my first ever attempt at Castle Fanfiction. **

**Reviews make me happy,  
Novelnerd97**


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